Teaching Us a Lesson

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March 3, 2010 | Comments

News Update: Today the President announced to the ungrateful American people who don’t know what’s best for them, that he will do whatever it takes to ram his trillion-dollar health-care bill down their collective throats.

The President stood before his twin teleprompters to make his announcement, flanked by the four people in the United States who support this bill, all of them dressed in white lab coats for full dramatic effect. The coats were left over from a similar presidential spectacle last fall, when only those physicians willing to wear the government-issue coats were allowed into the White House Rose Garden.

Thanks to a loophole an unidentified czar found in the CC&Rs for a condominium complex in Myrtle Beach, these four people, and only these four people, will cast the four votes needed to get the bill passed once and for all, and America’s health- care system will at last be fair, rationed and government-run.

Throughout his remarks, the President reminded the American public that he is the President. “But most importantly,” he concluded with a dramatic pause, looking from one teleprompter to the other, then back to the other, “it’s for your own good. I am the President. I won.”

Betsy Siino | Comments